glossary

bloody mary

noun

a bloody mary is an alcoholic beverage made up of the following:

vodka
v8
horseradish
celery salt
worcestershire sauce
hot sauce
lemon wedge
lime wedge
spicy pickled green beans
wait…did you hear me?
i said spicy pickled green beans

dude…wtf? you ever seen a drink with string beans in it before? you ever seen a bar with a jar of string beans on it before? well, i’d never seen such a thing in all my born days…then i moved here, and it became par for the course.

“of course there are string beans in my bloody mary.”

“who doesn’t put string beans in a bloody mary?”

“who doesn’t know there’s a plastic baby in the cake??”

*smh*

any-hoo, if you do not have or do not wish to acquire all the above ingredients, a bottle of zing zang is the new orleans approved pre-made mix to substitute. and why am i mentioning any of this right now in the middle of my scintillating mardi gras coverage? because just as a king cake is the quintessential food of mardi gras season, a bloody mary is the thing to drink on mardi gras morning. i haven’t bellied up to that bar yet, but guess who has…

big red demonstrates his complete cultural assimilation