so okay—i’m well settled in, i’m working, and i have time out the wazoo. now what? to answer that question for myself, i picked up a few of the gazillion free tourist books full of things to do in maui. turns out, it’s mostly things to do in maui when you’re loaded. in addition to this stumbling block, i discovered that i am quite possibly the worst candidate ever for a trip to the islands, only perhaps beaten out by people who are deathly allergic to sunshine. here’s why:
- i can’t swim, which rules out surfing, boogie boarding, windsurfing, snorkeling, diving, paddleboarding, and, um, swimming.
- i don’t like boats. there will be no experimenting with catamarans, sailboats, fishing boats, kayaks, rafts, big boats, little boats…any boats a’tall. i get the willies just thinking about being afloat on water of unfathomable depths (haha…water of unfathomable depths…that’s funny—get it? no? ::sighs::).
- i don’t like heights. helicopter rides? pass. ziplines? pass. parasailing? pass, pass, pass!
- i’m not big on animals, especially animals bigger than the boat they’re to be viewed from (note, supra, entry #2).
- i hate bugs. rainforest visits? no way, man.
- i don’t golf.
- i don’t hike.
- i don’t care for volcanoes or caves.
- i’m not fond of shopping.
- i’m no good on a bike.
- i’m not much of a drinker
- i don’t eat pork.
- and the coup de grâce: i’m not even terribly keen on beaches.
maybe this is a good time to begin the soul searching that i really came here for. okay, let me start by thinking about some relevant things that i do like. let’s see…there’s:
- peace and quiet
- lookin’ at stuff (assuming i can do so from solid ground)
with these things in mind, i have thoroughly reviewed the tourist materials and customized myself a list of crap to do, as follows:
- lay out and read by the pool
- visit the aquarium to see some critters safely behind glass
- check out some complimentary lessons in lei makin’, lauhala weavin’ (let’s pretend we know what that is), and hula dancin’
- go to the King Kamehameha Celebration Floral Parade on june 14
- try a “local favorite”: shave ice (in a jan favorite: coconut)
that’s really all i’ve got so far. it suits me, though. off the beathen path. low key. low rent. i’d honestly like to ride four-wheelers or go to a luau, too, but those are expensive. and besides, it’s one thing to go see a movie alone. it’s quite another to dine alone. i don’t think i’m there yet. maybe when The Boy gets here, i’ll get invited to a luau with him and marisa. oh, wait—i didn’t tell you about The Boy yet. his name is chris*, and he’s coming from the mainland to stay here with marisa. for like two weeks. this could get really interesting or really messy. he arrives today. so yeah…now what?