day 18

today, i feel: 😦

i’ve been cooped up with work from east coast morning to london night. no going out. no seeing anything new. no meeting anybody. yesterday was the same. two days in a row of this have saddened me, i fear. i’ve been feeling isolated and sorry for myself, and that is the entranceway to the slippery spiral of self-pity and questioning of one’s decisions and all sorts of other purgatory circles.

i commented to my husband recently (yes, i speak to him a little over email) about a situation at seamus’s house. see, back in philly, i was living in the house my husband and i bought. it’s a joined house made much the same way as seamus’s, only smaller. behind the philly house is a walled back yard, and into that yard would creep any and every stray cat in the south philadelphia area. and what would these cats do in the yard? why, they’d poop, of course.

so as i sat in seamus’s kitchen last week, watching the second stray cat in two days creep about the back yard and noting a recently deposited turd just outside the back sliding door, i thought i’d mention the similarities to my husband. well, he seemed to take it as a sort of “wherever you go, there you are” statement rather than just a funny coincidence. his response implied that i had tried to escape myself and simply run right back into myself again. different continent; same old shit. literally.

well, i don’t agree with this—his assessment or that irritating little adage. quite to the contrary, upon running into me over here, i have hardly recognized myself. who is this girl going out to pubs and dinner with strangers and making friends and conversation all over the place? it certainly isn’t who i was in the states—a wallflower of the a shrinking violet variety. an asocialite, if you will. the change of environment has actually done wonders for me; the change of company even more so.

“wherever you go, there you are” is like saying that people don’t change. can’t change. if you’re consistently finding that wherever you go, there you are…maybe you just need to go to better places.

vocabulary:

  • terrace house = row house
  • garden = yard, if it’s grassed
  • yard = yard, if it’s paved
  • pub = bar (i know—duh)
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